NONVIOLENT
COMMUNICATION

• + - WHY
  • Create Compassion
  • Reslove Conflict
  • + - Avoid Harm
    • + - Moralistic Judgments
      • Attributing Conflict to
        Wrongness in Adversaries
      • Inability to Appreciate Our
        Own Feelings and Needs
        (Vulnerability)
    • Making Comparisons
    • + - Denying Responsibility
      • You made me feel ...
      • I had to because ...
    • Making Demands
    • Reward and Punishment
  • Focus Attention
• + - WHEN
  • Healing Others
  • + - Connecting With Others
    • Dealing with Attacks
    • Defusing Anger
    • Dealing with "No!"
    • + - Reviving Lifeless Conversation
      • Interrupt With Empathy
      • Express Desire to Connect
    • Empathizing with Silence
  • Resolving Conflict
  • + - Connecting With Ourselves
    • Develop Self-Compassion
    • Avoid "Shoulding" Ourselves
    • Translate Self-Judgments and Inner Demands
    • Compassionate Mourning of Past Actions
    • Practice Self-Forgiveness
    • + - Positive Motivation
      • Translate "Have To" to "Choose To"
      • Cultivate Awareness of Negative Motives
  • Expressing Anger Fully
  • Finding Alteratives to Force
  • Counseling Others
  • Expressing Appreciation
• + - WHERE
  • Intimate Relationships
  • Families
  • Schools
  • Organizations and Institutions
  • Therapy and Counseling
  • Diplomatic and Business Negotiations
  • Disputes and Conflicts of any Nature
• + - HOW
  • + - Expressing Honestly
    • + - Observe Without Evaluating
      • + - Avoid Stealth Evaluations
        • "You are a ..."
        • "You are too ..."
        • Exaggerations
    • + - Identify and Express Feelings

      • Amazed, Confident, Energetic, Glad, Inspirred,
        Joyous, Optimistic, Relieved, Surprised, Touched,
        Comfortable, Eager, Fulfilled, Hopeful, Intrigued,
        Moved, Proud, Stimulated, Thankful, Trustful

        Angry, Confused, Disappointed, Distressed, Frustrated,
        Hopeless, Irritated, Nervous, Puzzled, Sad,
        Annoyed, Concerned, Discouraged, Embarrassed, Helpless,
        Impatient, Lonely, Overwhelmed, Reluctant, Uncomfortable

        + - Avoid Expressing Non-Feelings

        • "I feel that;" "I feel like;" "I feel as if"
        • "I feel (I, you, he, she, they, it ..."
        • + - Evaluations Disguised as Feelings

          • I feel inadequate, unimportant, misunderstood, ignored

            abandoned, abused, attacked, betrayed
            boxed-in, bullied, cheated, coerced,
            co-opted, cornered, diminished, distrusted,
            interrupted, intimidated, let down, manipulated,
            misundersood, neglected, overworked, patronized,
            pressured, provoked, put down, rejected,
            taken for granted, threatened, unappreciated,
            unheard, unseen, unsupported, unwanted, used

    • + - Acknowledge Needs

      • Choice of dreams, goals, values, plans

        Celebration, Mourning

        Integrity, Authenticiy, Creativity, Meaning, Self-Worth

        Nurturance, Air, Food, Exercise, Protectcion,
        Rest, Sexual Expression,Shelter, Touch, Water

        Play, Fun, Laughter

        Spirit, Beauty, Harmony, Inspiration, Order, Peace

        Acceptance, Appreciation, Closeness, Community,
        Contribution, Emotional Safety, Empathy, Honesty, Love,
        Reassurance, Respect, Support, Trust, Understanding

    • + - Make Requests
      • Clear, Positive, Concrete Action Language
      • Connect Requests with Speaker's Feelings and Needs
      • Ask for a Reflection
      • Request Honesty
      • + - Avoid Demands
        • Negative Consequence if
          "Request" not Complied With
        • Speaker Lays a Guilt-Trip
      • If Request Not Complied With, Empathize
  • + - Receiving Empathically
    • + - Listen For
      • Speaker's Observations
      • Speaker's Feelings
      • Speaker's Needs
      • Speaker's Requests
      • Don't  Listen to What Speaker Thinks About Us
      • Dont Ask For Informtion
        Without First Expressing
        Our Own Feelings and Needs
    • + - Paraphrase to Confirm Understanding
      • Reflect Back Emotionally
        Charged Messages
    • + - Sustain Empathy Until
      • Tension is Released or
      • Words Come to a Halt
    • + - If Unable to Empathize
      • Stop, Breath, Give Self Empathy
      • "Scream" Nonviolently
      • Take Time Out